just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
