Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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