eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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