me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize