i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize