so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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