First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Houston, we have a squirter
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
