Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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