Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
