I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm passing your future prison.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So squirting runs in the family.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
