Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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