If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize