Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
