i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
as a side note pls kill me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
