Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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