i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
