so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
