just survived the first fart of the relationship.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
