I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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