genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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