Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
