fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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