like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
