i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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