Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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