Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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