I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
