At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How naked do you want me to be?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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