she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
