You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
