I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
this beer tastes like vomit already
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
