I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
