Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
