I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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