so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
false alarm. still invincible.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize