We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
