Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you inspire me to be a worse person
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
