Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
