ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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