Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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