you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
