I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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