I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
