Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
