I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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