It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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