Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
