hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
