Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
