Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
