Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
