Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
