Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
