So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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