smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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