I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
