i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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