My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
