I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I have demons in me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize