Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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