i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
