I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize