if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
