you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
