You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
