I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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