First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
