Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
