I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
